In the first Perek of Eicha, we here from the narrator, and then from Yerushaliam. Yerushaliam starts of furious and angry with G-d. He blames G-d for the destruction of her children, and seems to be yelling at G-d and saying that it is His fault that she is lonely and that her people are dying and suffering, because of Him. She even uses the analogy that G-d squashed her daughters like a wine presser. She then suddenly calms down, and speaks calmly to G-d. Because of this, she is able to recognize that it wasn't G-d's fault. She realizes that she sinned and this was a punishment, caused by her actions. she is even able to say, "Behold, O Lord, for I am in distress, my innards burn, my heart is turned within me, for I have grievously rebelled;"
When something bad happens to us, it might be easy to blame the people around us. Before we can calm down, we might yell and say hateful things we wished we wouldn't, like what Yerushaliam said to G-d about the how He squashed her people. Instead of acting while we are angry, we need to first calm down, and then speak, because we might recognize, that the person you were going to blame, really had nothing to do with it, and it was not their fault.
Great message! I think it's great that we can apply the lessons of megillot to our own lives. While lashing out when you're angry might make you feel a little better, it's always more beneficial to calm down and speak. This is exactly what gives Yerushalayim the ability to think over what happened and come to the realization that she is the one to blame.
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ReplyDeleteYehudit, this is a really prevalent message you conveyed in your blog. When I was reading through your post, I recalled something from the AP Psychology textbook regarding anger:
ReplyDeleteSome cultures encourage angry expressions. The Western “vent your anger” advice presumes that through aggressive actions or fantasy we can achieve emotional release, or catharsis. The catharsis hypothesis maintains that “releasing” (aggressive energy) through action or fantasy relieves aggressive urges. Experimenters report that sometimes when people retaliate against a provoker, they may indeed calm down. But this tends to be true only if their counterattack is against the provoker, if their retaliation seems justifiable, and if their target is not intimidating. In short, expressing anger can be temporarily calming if it does not leave us feeling guilty or anxious.
However, despite the temporary afterglow, catharsis usually fails to cleanse one’s rage. More often, expressing anger breeds more anger. For one thing, it may provoke further retaliation, thus escalating a minor conflict into a a major confrontation. For another, expressing anger can magnify anger.
This is what Yerushalyaim turns to at first. However, once she exits this mentality, and realizes her rage can't be quenched, she recognizes her own sins and how she caused everything to herself.
So true. Sometimes when I get upset or angry I find myself lashing out at the people I love for no reason at all. Later, once I've calmed down, I realize how ridiculous it was to take out my pain on people who did nothing wrong, and I feel awful about it. If I just take a deep breath, realize what I'm doing, and control myself, I won't have to feel bad about my actions later on.
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